If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
