I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
