There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
