You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
