I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I can't turn off my feet"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
