I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
