She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
