Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
