i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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