Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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