Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
