that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
