Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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