Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
