I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
