He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
