i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
