It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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