Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
