I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
