i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
