I think i peed on brittanys purse
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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