Sry I called you an 8
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
