We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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