she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
