It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
cat food counts as protein by the way
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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