sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
