Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
