You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
