No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
