By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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