When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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