what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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