Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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