Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
that may or may not have been my penis.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
