this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
