why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
