Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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