You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
