so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
