Dual....:-)
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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