Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
