why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
