Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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