wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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