It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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