just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
