i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
