Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
