I'm really into asian looking animals
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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