He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
