Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
