In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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