You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You can't just leave with hair like that
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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