This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
