I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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