Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
