started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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