if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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