the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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