She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
